Rebellion - Confessions of a pastor

I was talking about this with someone the other day and thought that I would share it. I will never forget the day. It was August 4th, 1977. It was my 17th birthday. Until that day, soccer was my life. I was involved in racing (It was a family sport, how could I not be?), but soccer was my love, and the focus of my life. I was good. I was very good. For those who know me now it's probably hard to believe that I was once a strong healthy athlete.

My right knee had had enough. When I woke up one morning and could hardly move, I knew it was time. Today it wouldn't be a big deal, it seemed like not that big of a deal then either. I had surgery on that day because of a torn inner cartilage. I had chosen for the surgery to be on my birthday as a present to myself to get rid of the pain and to strengthen my leg for soccer.

I believed in God, and had accepted Christ. I was very involved in church at that time. I trusted that God would bring me through and I would be back on the soccer field before the next season.

Then it happened. One of the watershed moments in my life. One that God would use, but I sure couldn't see it then. My Dr., one of the best in the field, came to see me after surgery. He shared that once they were inside, there was so much damage, that I would never play soccer again. (In fact, just three years later I had total reconstruction surgery on that knee. It was so extensive that they had to do bone grafts, modify the knee cap and socket, relocate the patella tendin, remove some ligaments and modify my quad muscles.)

In that moment, I couldn't believe it! How could God do this to me? How could He take away the one thing that I truly loved? In that moment I chose rebellion against God. He had obviously abandoned me (or so I thought at the time), so I went off to do my own thing. I was so angry with God! It took a long time for me to deal with that anger.

I am so thankful that God never really turned His back on me. Looking back, there were several times during that period of my life that I should have died. My sins were great and many. God preserved me, and when I finally "came home" He ran to me with open arms, forgiving me just like in the story of the prodigal son.

It took a long time for me to realize that God had to take soccer away from me because as long as I continued to play, it would be first in my life, even over Him. God doesn't take a back seat to anyone, or anything! His desire is for us to willingly choose Him to take first place in our lives. Sometimes He has to use circumstances to get our attention.

Ultimately, every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. With God's help, I literally had my knee bent so that He would be made Lord of my life.

I'll share another time what brought me back. I wanted to share that pastors aren't perfect (especially not this one), and that sometimes those who become pastors have gone through great personal struggle, failure, and most significantly repentance and forgiveness. Out of my brokenness and finally surrender, God found someone He could use for His kingdom. I am so thankful for that!