Baggage / Isaiah

I am combining thoughts today because they connect well. In my daily devotions I have been studying through Isaiah. It's taking me a while because I am taking more time to meditate on what God is teaching me through it. In chapter 29 verse 13 God says, "These people say they are mine. They honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far away." This is such a powerful verse and cause for much meditation. I want to honor God with my heart and then my lips will automatically follow.

This weekend we wrapped up the "Baggage" series at Palm Valley Church. I thought I was doing well letting go of my own baggage during the series. That was, until this weekend. Actually, my struggle began before this weekend and came to a head Saturday night. Wow, I didn't see this one coming, but the Holy Spirit felt that it was time for me to confront this issue in my life.

On Saturday, Paige's family gathered in Prescott to spend some time together. Paige's brother Scott, his wife Amberly, and their kids Judah and Josiah were at the family camp at UCYC. Scott and Amberly were speaking (They're great if you've never heard them). They live in Bakersfield so we don't get to see them often. We all decided to drive up for the day to see them and spend some family time.

Here was my dilemma. We have Saturday set-up and Saturday night service. It wasn't a huge problem to miss set-up, James and Johnny do a great job and I knew that they could get by without me just fine. I still felt guilty. My plan was to drive up early and then be home before serve. Then I was encouraged to take Saturday night off as well to spend more time with family. I needed to think on that a while, but I wasn't sure why. Not that I didn't want to spend the time, but I felt that I needed to be at church. The issue wasn't church per se, it was the baggage that was hiding beneath the surface that was about to rear it's ugly head.

As the time for services to begin drew nearer, the knot in my stomach grew tighter. What's the big deal? Then it hit me, a big piece of baggage that I had suppressed, guilt! I wasn't doing anything wrong, in fact, spending time with family is so right. The Holy Spirit had to show me. From when I was young, and especially during my High School years once I was driving and dating, it was impressed upon me not only a work ethic, and a workaholic lifestyle, but a "be there always" mindset. If there was work to be done, you need to be there to do it. Often, as I planned to go out I was hit with, "go ahead, but I'll be here working because their is so much to do." Many times I cancelled my plans to work instead. When I went out anyway, I felt guilty and more guilt was added when I got home or into work the next day.

I had to deal with the workaholic part several years ago when God shut me down physically. I still have that tendency, and though I don't do it physically, my mind is often working on things when I should be focused elsewhere. Now this! The guilt for not being there when there was work to be done and others were picking up the slack because I was gone, hanging out, doing nothing.

I have had to pray through this the past couple of days, and am in the process of wrestling with the issues involved. As soon as we get rid of one issue, the Holy Spirit shows us another. On the one hand, I am glad that I am continually being molded and growing into the image of the Savior, but on the other, I wish I could cruise sometimes, just being satisfied with where I am for a while. I know that satisfaction is what Isaiah is writing about, because there is no satisfaction apart from God. I want to know Him more and more and for Him to permeate my life more fully every day. I want my heart to be close to Him. It's been a great series, and since pastor's have baggage too, it's been good to get rid of more of mine! My prayer is that as the Holy Spirit shows me more, I will trust Him to take it from me. That's what Jesus paid for!